1
00:00:01,218 --> 00:00:04,178
♪♪ [theme]

2
00:00:49,832 --> 00:00:51,747
-KLINGER: Potatoes?
-RADAR: Yeah.

3
00:00:51,790 --> 00:00:55,098
-Corn?
-Yeah.

4
00:00:55,142 --> 00:00:56,491
Hey, what's underneath
that gravy there?

5
00:00:56,534 --> 00:00:59,407
Only The Shadow
knows, hmm?

6
00:00:59,450 --> 00:01:02,323
[evil laugh]

7
00:01:02,366 --> 00:01:03,367
I'll take some.

8
00:01:03,411 --> 00:01:04,716
Keep eating this slop

9
00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:05,717
and you'll get
the purple tongue.

10
00:01:12,724 --> 00:01:14,465
Think you've got enough
to eat there, son?

11
00:01:14,509 --> 00:01:15,640
I can always go back
for more, sir.

12
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:18,078
Colonel, Major Burns
has something to say.

13
00:01:18,121 --> 00:01:19,557
POTTER:
What is it?

14
00:01:19,601 --> 00:01:21,081
He'd like you to start
the meeting right away.

15
00:01:21,124 --> 00:01:23,431
He has to be
back on post-op duty
in half an hour.

16
00:01:23,474 --> 00:01:24,997
You're in very high
voice today, Frank.

17
00:01:25,041 --> 00:01:26,956
Maybe you should
loosen your shorts.

18
00:01:26,999 --> 00:01:29,611
Still suffering from
incurable wisecracker-itis,
eh, Pierce?

19
00:01:29,654 --> 00:01:30,829
Right, Frank, the doctors
have only given me

20
00:01:30,873 --> 00:01:32,875
six months before
I kill you.

21
00:01:32,918 --> 00:01:35,051
All right, all right.
We're supposed to be
officers here.

22
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:36,922
Set an example,
which is one reason

23
00:01:36,966 --> 00:01:39,142
I've called this meeting.
Radar, take notes.

24
00:01:39,186 --> 00:01:40,317
Yes, sir.

25
00:01:40,361 --> 00:01:41,579
If you haven't
eaten your pencil.

26
00:01:42,798 --> 00:01:44,060
First of all,
let me say

27
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:46,018
I appreciate how
tired you all are.

28
00:01:46,062 --> 00:01:49,370
Unfortunately, until we
find out what's causing
this fever thing,

29
00:01:49,413 --> 00:01:51,763
we're gonna have to keep
working round the clock.

30
00:01:51,807 --> 00:01:53,156
Any news from the lab
at Seoul, Colonel?

31
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:55,985
Father Mulcahy's
down there now on RandR.

32
00:01:56,028 --> 00:01:57,682
Rest and resurrection.

33
00:01:57,726 --> 00:01:59,858
I'm hoping he'll come back
with some new info.

34
00:01:59,902 --> 00:02:02,557
Meantime, we can expect more
fever patients by tonight.

35
00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:04,950
We're running
out of beds now.

36
00:02:04,994 --> 00:02:06,300
I'm for doubling up.

37
00:02:06,343 --> 00:02:07,736
I bet.

38
00:02:07,779 --> 00:02:08,737
I'm just that
kind of guy.

39
00:02:10,391 --> 00:02:11,566
Can I break in
with a little trivia
about the subject?

40
00:02:11,609 --> 00:02:13,437
Doctor.

41
00:02:13,481 --> 00:02:15,831
How do you deal with
a disease that doesn't
even have a name,

42
00:02:15,874 --> 00:02:17,180
no antibiotics that work,

43
00:02:17,224 --> 00:02:18,660
nothing we can do
but supportive care?

44
00:02:18,703 --> 00:02:20,531
Yeah, what ever happened
to the good old days?

45
00:02:20,575 --> 00:02:22,968
Artery transplants,
re-secting intestines,

46
00:02:23,012 --> 00:02:24,927
something we could
sink our teeth into.

47
00:02:24,970 --> 00:02:28,191
I guess all that went out
with good taste, Frank.

48
00:02:28,235 --> 00:02:29,540
There is one thing,
just a hunch from H.Q.,

49
00:02:29,584 --> 00:02:31,412
They think there's
a possibility

50
00:02:31,455 --> 00:02:34,893
the fever could be
caused by rat-borne
mites and fleas.

51
00:02:36,460 --> 00:02:37,809
Has anyone noticed more
rats hanging around

52
00:02:37,853 --> 00:02:39,202
the camp lately?

53
00:02:39,246 --> 00:02:41,378
Just the old couple that's
building a family room

54
00:02:41,422 --> 00:02:42,988
in my shaving kit.

55
00:02:43,032 --> 00:02:45,730
I've seen rats around here
the size of dogs.

56
00:02:45,774 --> 00:02:47,558
I've even heard some
complaining about people

57
00:02:47,602 --> 00:02:49,169
running around
their tent.

58
00:02:49,212 --> 00:02:51,997
I want to establish
a control officer

59
00:02:52,041 --> 00:02:55,392
who will be responsible for
all the rats on the base.

60
00:02:55,436 --> 00:02:56,785
Volunteers?

61
00:02:56,828 --> 00:02:58,439
POTTER:
Very sporting, Pierce.

62
00:02:58,482 --> 00:03:00,397
Not at all.

63
00:03:00,441 --> 00:03:02,747
My friends,
some men are born great,

64
00:03:02,791 --> 00:03:04,314
others achieve greatness.

65
00:03:04,358 --> 00:03:06,664
And others are destined
to work with rats.

66
00:03:06,708 --> 00:03:09,537
I would like to nominate someone
who is eminently qualified.

67
00:03:09,580 --> 00:03:11,800
A man who was
born for this job.

68
00:03:11,843 --> 00:03:14,846
A man who can
look a rat in the eye and
meet him on his own terms.

69
00:03:14,890 --> 00:03:17,153
I give you
Major Frank Burns.

70
00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:18,502
Will anyone
second this notion?

71
00:03:18,546 --> 00:03:20,461
-B.J.: Here, here.
-Thank you, but, uh,

72
00:03:20,504 --> 00:03:22,027
I really can't accept.

73
00:03:22,071 --> 00:03:23,899
Oh, I'm already in charge of
rumor control.

74
00:03:23,942 --> 00:03:26,249
-I've heard that.
-Yeah.

75
00:03:26,293 --> 00:03:30,122
I think if this assignment
helps relieve
the fever situation,

76
00:03:30,166 --> 00:03:32,124
there ought to be
some sort of promotion.

77
00:03:32,168 --> 00:03:34,083
Maybe even
a field mouse commission.

78
00:03:34,126 --> 00:03:36,955
All right, all right,
uh, but just remember--

79
00:03:36,999 --> 00:03:39,131
Frank Burns did
more than his share.

80
00:03:39,175 --> 00:03:41,133
Also, morale
has become a problem.

81
00:03:41,177 --> 00:03:42,787
But I have something here

82
00:03:42,831 --> 00:03:45,442
that I think might be
helpful in picking people up.

83
00:03:45,486 --> 00:03:47,139
It's a war
department directive

84
00:03:47,183 --> 00:03:49,446
for a soldier of
the month contest.

85
00:03:49,490 --> 00:03:51,143
Some lucky enlisted man

86
00:03:51,187 --> 00:03:53,537
will get to spend
six days in Tokyo.

87
00:03:53,581 --> 00:03:54,799
Wow.

88
00:03:54,843 --> 00:03:55,974
All you have to do
is win the war

89
00:03:56,018 --> 00:03:57,541
in 25 words or less.

90
00:03:57,585 --> 00:03:59,108
Why can't they send all
the guys over for six days?

91
00:03:59,151 --> 00:04:00,631
And stop the fighting?

92
00:04:00,675 --> 00:04:02,764
Have you ever seen a general
in an unemployment office?

93
00:04:02,807 --> 00:04:05,984
"Candidates will be judged
on dress and deportment.

94
00:04:06,028 --> 00:04:07,638
"Finalists will be
given an oral quiz

95
00:04:07,682 --> 00:04:09,292
on historical knowledge."

96
00:04:09,336 --> 00:04:11,076
Announce this and
have everyone bone up.

97
00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:13,427
-Yes, sir.
-The judge, by order of H.Q.,

98
00:04:13,470 --> 00:04:15,342
will be Second-In-Command
Major Burns.

99
00:04:19,041 --> 00:04:20,260
I heard that.

100
00:04:21,870 --> 00:04:24,394
You know, I've never
been to Tokyo, sir.

101
00:04:24,438 --> 00:04:25,787
But it sure has been
a pet dream of mine,

102
00:04:25,830 --> 00:04:27,919
ever since I was
a tiny, little soldier.

103
00:04:27,963 --> 00:04:29,094
Down, Radar.

104
00:04:29,138 --> 00:04:30,400
Right.

105
00:04:30,444 --> 00:04:32,402
I think this is
an excellent directive.

106
00:04:32,446 --> 00:04:33,795
Nothing is too good
for the men.

107
00:04:33,838 --> 00:04:36,493
I guess that's why
they get so much of it.

108
00:04:36,537 --> 00:04:38,321
Nice to see you
come out in favor of
the enlisted, Major.

109
00:04:38,365 --> 00:04:40,584
Well, of course.
I may be higher in rank,

110
00:04:40,628 --> 00:04:43,239
but we all zip our
pants the same way.

111
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:44,545
Why do I feel
this meeting is over?

112
00:04:45,763 --> 00:04:47,287
Dismissed.

113
00:04:51,595 --> 00:04:53,467
At ease, soldier.
You'll give yourself
a concussion.

114
00:04:53,510 --> 00:04:55,207
Oh, leave him alone.
I find it refreshing

115
00:04:55,251 --> 00:04:57,558
to see a salute around
here for a change.

116
00:04:57,601 --> 00:04:59,299
That goes double
ditto for me.

117
00:04:59,342 --> 00:05:00,691
These two get
any more G.I.,

118
00:05:00,735 --> 00:05:02,127
we'll have to start
folding them at sunset.

119
00:05:05,522 --> 00:05:07,089
Ma'am, don't strain
your gut.

120
00:05:07,132 --> 00:05:09,874
Thank you, Corporal.

121
00:05:09,918 --> 00:05:11,572
[chuckles]
Soldier of the month
candidate, right?

122
00:05:11,615 --> 00:05:13,313
Tie and everything.

123
00:05:13,356 --> 00:05:15,010
Love the way you
shined your nose.

124
00:05:15,053 --> 00:05:16,577
You figure I got
a chance with him?

125
00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:17,969
I think he
prefers blonds.

126
00:05:18,013 --> 00:05:19,493
All right.
Get moving, Corporal.

127
00:05:19,536 --> 00:05:21,321
Stop standing there
trying to sell a pup.

128
00:05:21,364 --> 00:05:23,192
Yes, sir,
Your Majorship.

129
00:05:25,499 --> 00:05:27,544
Another fever case.

130
00:05:27,588 --> 00:05:28,937
His temperature's
very high.

131
00:05:28,980 --> 00:05:31,418
He's got chills and
a severe headache.

132
00:05:31,461 --> 00:05:33,898
A thousand c.c.s?
Who ordered this?

133
00:05:33,942 --> 00:05:35,770
What's it to you,
friend?

134
00:05:35,813 --> 00:05:37,554
-Frank, don't you
think maybe it's time
-Hmm?

135
00:05:37,598 --> 00:05:39,382
we started cutting
down on fluids?

136
00:05:39,426 --> 00:05:41,732
These men are thirsty,
Dr. Nosenheimer.

137
00:05:41,776 --> 00:05:43,430
I didn't have to study
medicine for seven years

138
00:05:43,473 --> 00:05:46,128
to know the prescription
for thirst is water.

139
00:05:46,171 --> 00:05:47,956
Yeah, but look
at the kidney output.

140
00:05:47,999 --> 00:05:49,392
He's taken in
two liters today,

141
00:05:49,436 --> 00:05:50,567
and he hasn't
produced enough

142
00:05:50,611 --> 00:05:52,047
to water
Aunt Martha's petunias.

143
00:05:52,090 --> 00:05:53,570
His kidneys have
shut down, Frank.

144
00:05:53,614 --> 00:05:55,137
Acute renal failure.

145
00:05:55,180 --> 00:05:57,226
These men are dehydrated
from the fever,

146
00:05:57,269 --> 00:05:58,314
which is why we're
giving them fluids

147
00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,011
in the first place.

148
00:06:00,055 --> 00:06:02,187
Well, even you understand
that, don't you, Major?

149
00:06:02,231 --> 00:06:04,102
You don't look
at all well, Frank.

150
00:06:04,146 --> 00:06:06,191
Well, you stay up all
night slicing cheese
for rat traps.

151
00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:10,195
Pierce!

152
00:06:10,239 --> 00:06:12,372
Now, that one's all right.
His temperature's almost normal.

153
00:06:12,415 --> 00:06:15,287
He's also in shock.
Acute renal shutdown.

154
00:06:15,331 --> 00:06:17,507
We gotta get both
these guys to the
121st Hospital.

155
00:06:17,551 --> 00:06:19,335
That's 50 miles away.

156
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:20,945
That's where the kidney
machine is, Frank.

157
00:06:20,989 --> 00:06:22,686
And they don't have
a long cord.

158
00:06:22,730 --> 00:06:24,862
-Sir? Hawkeye?
-Thanks for the
knighthood, Radar.

159
00:06:24,906 --> 00:06:27,038
-Huh?
-What is it?

160
00:06:27,082 --> 00:06:28,213
Uh, Father Mulcahy's
back from Seoul.

161
00:06:28,257 --> 00:06:29,519
He says he's got news.

162
00:06:29,563 --> 00:06:31,042
All right, good.
Get us a chopper.

163
00:06:31,086 --> 00:06:32,566
Tag these two
for the 121st.

164
00:06:32,609 --> 00:06:34,350
-Uh, right.
-B.J.

165
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:35,525
Think you can handle
things here, Frank?

166
00:06:35,569 --> 00:06:37,048
I was suing people
for payment

167
00:06:37,092 --> 00:06:39,355
before you even thought
of being a doctor.

168
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:43,141
It seems both the Japanese
and the Russian soldiers

169
00:06:43,185 --> 00:06:45,753
came down with this
very same kind of fever,

170
00:06:45,796 --> 00:06:48,103
same symptoms,
everything,

171
00:06:48,146 --> 00:06:50,845
in northern Manchuria
during the late '30s.

172
00:06:50,888 --> 00:06:52,455
Well, what was it, Father?
What are we dealing with?

173
00:06:52,499 --> 00:06:54,631
It was a
Japanese-American,

174
00:06:54,675 --> 00:06:57,286
uh, Nisei, who was
going through

175
00:06:57,329 --> 00:06:59,462
some old Japanese
medical journals,

176
00:06:59,506 --> 00:07:01,159
when he came across
the name

177
00:07:01,203 --> 00:07:03,423
"hemorrhagic fever,"

178
00:07:03,466 --> 00:07:06,817
and he realized that we're
dealing with the same thing.

179
00:07:06,861 --> 00:07:09,690
The doctors then were just
as perplexed as you are now.

180
00:07:09,733 --> 00:07:12,301
Great, we know
what to call it.

181
00:07:12,344 --> 00:07:13,171
Only, we don't know
how to cure it.

182
00:07:13,215 --> 00:07:14,912
There isn't a cure.

183
00:07:14,956 --> 00:07:17,393
The only treatment is
common sense medicine.

184
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:19,351
Well, that
leaves out Frank.

185
00:07:19,395 --> 00:07:20,831
MULCAHY:
Wait, wait. There's more.

186
00:07:20,875 --> 00:07:25,445
"You must be very, very
careful to restrict fluids."

187
00:07:25,488 --> 00:07:26,707
You see, the fever
often causes

188
00:07:26,750 --> 00:07:28,230
the kidneys
to shut down.

189
00:07:28,273 --> 00:07:32,452
It seems that if enough
fluids accumulate,

190
00:07:32,495 --> 00:07:35,977
a man can actually drown
in his own tissues.

191
00:07:36,020 --> 00:07:37,718
Can you imagine that?

192
00:07:37,761 --> 00:07:39,067
So we were right.

193
00:07:39,110 --> 00:07:40,677
Thanks for the
confirmation, Father.

194
00:07:40,721 --> 00:07:42,549
Confirmation is
my middle name.

195
00:07:45,073 --> 00:07:46,857
Here's some letters
from H.Q., sir.

196
00:07:46,901 --> 00:07:50,731
Ah, yes, fan mail
from the rear echelon.

197
00:07:50,774 --> 00:07:53,560
Oh, good.
Soldier of the Month quiz.

198
00:07:53,603 --> 00:07:55,779
-And the answers.
-Oh.

199
00:07:55,823 --> 00:07:58,390
Yeah. I'd better put this
in the company safe.

200
00:07:58,434 --> 00:08:00,218
Combination, Radar?

201
00:08:00,262 --> 00:08:02,046
Uh, your wife's
measurements, sir.

202
00:08:02,090 --> 00:08:04,353
Right.

203
00:08:04,396 --> 00:08:09,706
42... 36... 42.

204
00:08:13,710 --> 00:08:16,017
Been boning up on
your history, Radar?

205
00:08:16,060 --> 00:08:17,497
Uh, yes, sir.

206
00:08:17,540 --> 00:08:18,802
It's just that there's
so much to cover,

207
00:08:18,846 --> 00:08:20,412
I'm not sure I'll
learn it in time.

208
00:08:20,456 --> 00:08:22,066
Well, perhaps
I can help you.

209
00:08:22,110 --> 00:08:23,720
What part have you
gotten up to?

210
00:08:23,764 --> 00:08:26,114
Um, just finished
"Genesis," sir.

211
00:08:26,157 --> 00:08:29,857
Can you tell me how long
Adam and Eve were here
before Columbus?

212
00:08:29,900 --> 00:08:32,033
It's quite
a long story, son.

213
00:08:32,076 --> 00:08:34,122
Maybe after dinner.

214
00:08:34,165 --> 00:08:35,602
I know it was at least
100 years,

215
00:08:35,645 --> 00:08:38,605
'cause there was
Indians here by then.

216
00:08:38,648 --> 00:08:40,520
Sir, I hope you remember
I did this for you

217
00:08:40,563 --> 00:08:43,174
when the contest
rolls around.

218
00:08:43,218 --> 00:08:44,741
Oh, for Pete's sake,
hurry up!

219
00:08:44,785 --> 00:08:46,961
The truth is, sir,
I'm not really crazy.

220
00:08:47,004 --> 00:08:49,137
I only wore dresses
so people would think that.

221
00:08:49,180 --> 00:08:51,356
But I know I have to
be sane to be soldier
of the month,

222
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:52,880
so I'm telling
you I am.

223
00:08:52,923 --> 00:08:54,359
Unless, of course,
you don't pick me,

224
00:08:54,403 --> 00:08:56,405
in which case,
I'm still nutsy Fagan,

225
00:08:56,448 --> 00:08:58,276
and I never said
one word of this.

226
00:08:58,320 --> 00:08:59,669
Corporal, you're
giving me a headache.

227
00:08:59,713 --> 00:09:01,497
I'm sorry, sir.

228
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:04,152
Whew! Boy, this stuff's
really barf-making.

229
00:09:04,195 --> 00:09:05,762
You think the rats
will go for it?

230
00:09:05,806 --> 00:09:08,896
That happens to be
my wife's fruitcake,
Corporal,

231
00:09:08,939 --> 00:09:10,114
of which you should
be well-acquainted,

232
00:09:10,158 --> 00:09:11,812
since you are one
yourself!

233
00:09:11,855 --> 00:09:13,204
Sir, you don't
look well.

234
00:09:13,248 --> 00:09:15,467
I mean, even less
well than usual.

235
00:09:15,511 --> 00:09:16,730
Get on with it,
creepo.

236
00:09:16,773 --> 00:09:18,383
Yes, sir.

237
00:09:26,174 --> 00:09:27,915
-Frank?
-Hmm?

238
00:09:27,958 --> 00:09:29,569
[laughing]

239
00:09:29,612 --> 00:09:31,440
What time does your pillow
go into labor, Frank?

240
00:09:31,483 --> 00:09:33,050
-[mousetrap snaps]
-KLINGER: [yelling]

241
00:09:33,094 --> 00:09:35,357
Did you get one?

242
00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:36,880
That stupid thing
just went off

243
00:09:36,924 --> 00:09:38,708
and broke half
my knuckles!

244
00:09:38,752 --> 00:09:41,102
That does it!
Contest or no contest,

245
00:09:41,145 --> 00:09:43,147
I'm not pushin'
any more of your traps!

246
00:09:43,191 --> 00:09:45,062
[whimpers]

247
00:09:45,106 --> 00:09:46,586
You're trying to catch
rats in this box, Frank?

248
00:09:46,629 --> 00:09:48,239
Box?

249
00:09:48,283 --> 00:09:50,633
This happens to be
a finely-honed mechanism

250
00:09:50,677 --> 00:09:52,113
which I invented myself.

251
00:09:52,156 --> 00:09:53,680
Now watch.

252
00:09:53,723 --> 00:09:56,813
The rat enters here,
sees himself in the mirror,

253
00:09:56,857 --> 00:09:58,641
which he mistakes
for another rat.

254
00:09:58,685 --> 00:10:02,210
Now this device swings
down and taps him,

255
00:10:02,253 --> 00:10:04,516
causing him to turn around
to see who wants him.

256
00:10:04,560 --> 00:10:06,344
When he does, whammo!

257
00:10:06,388 --> 00:10:08,129
These steel knobs
come down

258
00:10:08,172 --> 00:10:09,739
and crack him
right in the skull.

259
00:10:09,783 --> 00:10:11,523
[laughing]

260
00:10:11,567 --> 00:10:13,221
That's positively
brilliant, Frank!

261
00:10:13,264 --> 00:10:14,831
I bet by the time
you're through,

262
00:10:14,875 --> 00:10:17,399
a lot of rats
are gonna need to be
fitted for glasses.

263
00:10:17,442 --> 00:10:19,401
And he called me
a fruitcake!

264
00:10:19,444 --> 00:10:21,446
Why don't you take
this about 100 miles
from here?

265
00:10:21,490 --> 00:10:22,752
Start a rat resort.

266
00:10:22,796 --> 00:10:24,275
Now what are you
talking about?

267
00:10:24,319 --> 00:10:25,625
If these buggers
are causing the fever,

268
00:10:25,668 --> 00:10:27,278
we've got to
exterminate them.

269
00:10:27,322 --> 00:10:30,760
Frank, it's the mites
and the fleas on the rats

270
00:10:30,804 --> 00:10:32,544
that could be
causing the fever.

271
00:10:32,588 --> 00:10:33,633
When the rats die,

272
00:10:33,676 --> 00:10:35,417
the mites and fleas
jump on us.

273
00:10:35,460 --> 00:10:37,071
Oh, that's ridiculous.

274
00:10:37,114 --> 00:10:39,508
I mean, I've already
carried a couple out
to the trash.

275
00:10:39,551 --> 00:10:42,642
And I didn't get
any fleas.

276
00:10:42,685 --> 00:10:45,645
I-I didn't feel
well afterwards,

277
00:10:45,688 --> 00:10:48,038
but-but-but
I-I-I'm not sick.

278
00:10:48,082 --> 00:10:49,866
I mean...

279
00:10:49,910 --> 00:10:52,521
just because a person
needs to faint...

280
00:11:06,013 --> 00:11:06,970
[lock unlatching]

281
00:11:09,364 --> 00:11:10,757
Here we go.

282
00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:12,541
Soldier of the Month
questions and answers.

283
00:11:12,584 --> 00:11:13,977
Come to Papa.

284
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:29,123
[camera shutter clicking]

285
00:11:37,566 --> 00:11:39,176
He used to be
Albert Anastasia's doorman.

286
00:11:41,570 --> 00:11:43,093
All's quiet
in the nursery.

287
00:11:43,137 --> 00:11:44,704
FRANK:
Is that you, dear?

288
00:11:44,747 --> 00:11:46,662
Frank.

289
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:48,620
[moaning]

290
00:11:50,797 --> 00:11:52,102
Right here, Frank.

291
00:11:52,146 --> 00:11:53,756
Let me sleep, okay?

292
00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:55,802
It's your turn to take
mother to the toilet.

293
00:11:56,759 --> 00:11:57,934
Frank, it's us.

294
00:11:57,978 --> 00:12:00,676
-Hi!
-Hi, Frank.

295
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,765
Hi!

296
00:12:02,809 --> 00:12:05,899
I'm so thirsty.

297
00:12:05,942 --> 00:12:08,902
If you'd just loan me
a teeny, tiny drop of water,

298
00:12:08,945 --> 00:12:10,947
I promise
to give it back.

299
00:12:10,991 --> 00:12:12,427
We can't, Frank.

300
00:12:12,470 --> 00:12:14,037
[sighs]

301
00:12:14,081 --> 00:12:16,300
I think I've
swallowed my lips.

302
00:12:16,344 --> 00:12:17,388
If you drink
too much water,

303
00:12:17,432 --> 00:12:18,955
it builds up
in your tissues.

304
00:12:18,999 --> 00:12:20,261
And just between
us and your kidneys,

305
00:12:20,304 --> 00:12:22,089
they've had more
than enough.

306
00:12:22,132 --> 00:12:23,699
When they start to get
rolling full force,

307
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:26,397
it'll be like barrel time
at Niagara Falls.

308
00:12:26,441 --> 00:12:27,834
You have a fever.

309
00:12:27,877 --> 00:12:29,096
If I had two fevers,

310
00:12:29,139 --> 00:12:30,401
I could give you change
for a ten.

311
00:12:30,445 --> 00:12:31,881
[laughing]

312
00:12:31,925 --> 00:12:33,448
Go to sleep, Frank.

313
00:12:33,491 --> 00:12:35,537
-I'll give you $10
for a drink of water.
-We can't.

314
00:12:35,580 --> 00:12:36,973
Try not to think
about it.

315
00:12:37,017 --> 00:12:39,976
[groans]
You're the doctors.

316
00:12:40,020 --> 00:12:42,587
I don't really like
being one, you know.

317
00:12:42,631 --> 00:12:45,416
I mean, I wouldn't
mind being a doctor

318
00:12:45,460 --> 00:12:48,376
if I didn't have to be
around sick people.

319
00:12:48,419 --> 00:12:50,987
People don't like being
sick either, Frank.

320
00:12:51,031 --> 00:12:54,425
My mother used to smack
me when I got sick.

321
00:12:54,469 --> 00:12:57,254
She used to smack me
when I got well, too.

322
00:12:57,298 --> 00:12:59,256
Just rest, Frank,
and don't talk.

323
00:12:59,300 --> 00:13:00,867
Oh, sure.
I know.

324
00:13:00,910 --> 00:13:03,347
You don't wanna
talk to me.

325
00:13:03,391 --> 00:13:05,828
Nobody ever did.

326
00:13:05,872 --> 00:13:07,177
The only one who talked
to me in high school

327
00:13:07,221 --> 00:13:08,962
was the janitor.

328
00:13:09,005 --> 00:13:10,224
He used to show me
his pictures

329
00:13:10,267 --> 00:13:11,399
of heavyweight champs.

330
00:13:13,053 --> 00:13:15,359
He was the last person
who liked me.

331
00:13:15,403 --> 00:13:16,839
We like you, Frank.

332
00:13:16,883 --> 00:13:18,406
Oh, you're just
saying that

333
00:13:18,449 --> 00:13:20,451
because you feel
sorry for me.

334
00:13:20,495 --> 00:13:22,453
Not at all.
I haven't felt
sorry for you

335
00:13:22,497 --> 00:13:25,369
since we sewed up the legs
on all your jockey shorts.

336
00:13:25,413 --> 00:13:26,588
Oh, it's all right.

337
00:13:26,631 --> 00:13:28,372
Now that I'm dying,
you can fess up.

338
00:13:28,416 --> 00:13:29,852
Do you really like me?

339
00:13:29,896 --> 00:13:31,506
You're not really
dying, Frank.

340
00:13:31,549 --> 00:13:32,681
Do you?

341
00:13:34,944 --> 00:13:38,034
Let me put it
this way, Frank.

342
00:13:38,078 --> 00:13:40,863
If we were the last
two people left on earth,

343
00:13:40,907 --> 00:13:43,866
I'd never forget to send
you a Christmas card.

344
00:13:43,910 --> 00:13:45,781
Real pals.

345
00:13:50,133 --> 00:13:51,961
Can I share
a secret with you?

346
00:13:52,005 --> 00:13:53,223
It's up to you.

347
00:13:53,267 --> 00:13:54,398
Promise you won't tell.

348
00:13:54,442 --> 00:13:55,617
Cross our cardiograms.

349
00:13:57,837 --> 00:14:01,753
Margaret and I...
are dating.

350
00:14:05,409 --> 00:14:06,497
Oh.

351
00:14:09,544 --> 00:14:11,589
Number three,
"Nathan Hale."

352
00:14:17,247 --> 00:14:19,641
Nathan Hale.

353
00:14:19,684 --> 00:14:20,990
Sure beats studying.

354
00:14:23,123 --> 00:14:25,125
"Lewis and Clark."

355
00:14:31,783 --> 00:14:33,742
Gentlemen.

356
00:14:33,785 --> 00:14:35,352
Since your official judge,
Major Burns,

357
00:14:35,396 --> 00:14:37,050
is really not well,
uh, I have been given

358
00:14:37,093 --> 00:14:38,747
both the great privilege
and dubious honor

359
00:14:38,790 --> 00:14:40,488
of replacing him.

360
00:14:40,531 --> 00:14:42,664
Uh, you may stand.
Just take your seats.

361
00:14:45,362 --> 00:14:47,582
HAWKEYE:
My associate judge,
Captain B.J. Hunnicutt,

362
00:14:47,625 --> 00:14:49,627
who was instrumental
in last year's selection

363
00:14:49,671 --> 00:14:52,152
of Miss Junior Puberty
and Miss Gutter Ball.

364
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,154
[clapping]

365
00:14:54,197 --> 00:14:55,677
Thank you, fan.

366
00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:57,548
"You are here to take
this historical quiz

367
00:14:57,592 --> 00:14:59,681
"because you have
surpassed your colleagues

368
00:14:59,724 --> 00:15:02,249
in dress
and deportment."

369
00:15:02,292 --> 00:15:04,947
How, we'll never know.

370
00:15:04,991 --> 00:15:06,818
But that is not for
small minds to ponder,

371
00:15:06,862 --> 00:15:08,820
and Lord knows there are
enough of those around.

372
00:15:08,864 --> 00:15:10,997
B.J.: Got a new hair
coming in, Klinger?

373
00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:13,260
Sir, I have
something to say.

374
00:15:13,303 --> 00:15:15,392
I yield the floor
to Miss Virgin Islands.

375
00:15:17,351 --> 00:15:19,396
I hope the judges take
into consideration,

376
00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:22,225
I am presenting myself
in full uniform,

377
00:15:22,269 --> 00:15:24,227
right down to
my underwear,

378
00:15:24,271 --> 00:15:26,316
which, for the
first time since I've
been in the service,

379
00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:28,057
is of the correct
kind for a person

380
00:15:28,101 --> 00:15:29,972
of my sex
and/or gender.

381
00:15:30,016 --> 00:15:31,495
Sit down.

382
00:15:31,539 --> 00:15:33,236
Let's get on with it before
I forget what I learned.

383
00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:34,498
Shouldn't be too hard
for you, pea-brain.

384
00:15:34,542 --> 00:15:36,283
Hey.

385
00:15:36,326 --> 00:15:38,459
Strike those two
from Miss Congeniality.

386
00:15:38,502 --> 00:15:42,245
Now, "name this country's
first president,

387
00:15:42,289 --> 00:15:44,944
"and the city in which he
took the oath of office."

388
00:15:44,987 --> 00:15:46,423
Oh, I know.
I know!

389
00:15:46,467 --> 00:15:48,338
-Quiet, will ya?
I can't think.
-Ooh, sir!

390
00:15:48,382 --> 00:15:49,470
B.J:
Radar.

391
00:15:49,513 --> 00:15:51,211
Uh, um,
George Washington.

392
00:15:51,254 --> 00:15:55,432
He was the first, and,
uh, he had wooden teeth.

393
00:15:55,476 --> 00:15:56,868
Right. And every
time he told a lie,

394
00:15:56,912 --> 00:15:58,479
they chopped one out.

395
00:15:58,522 --> 00:16:00,785
And he was sworn in
in New York.

396
00:16:01,786 --> 00:16:03,092
Very good.

397
00:16:03,136 --> 00:16:05,094
Half point for Klinger,
half point for Radar.

398
00:16:05,138 --> 00:16:07,096
I knew that.

399
00:16:07,140 --> 00:16:09,925
Now, "what famous symbol
of American freedom

400
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:11,231
"has a crack in it?"

401
00:16:11,274 --> 00:16:13,755
And it is not
General MacArthur's head.

402
00:16:13,798 --> 00:16:16,192
A crack in it.

403
00:16:16,236 --> 00:16:18,064
Sir! The Liberty Bell!

404
00:16:18,107 --> 00:16:19,674
HAWKEYE:
Very good, Radar.

405
00:16:19,717 --> 00:16:22,764
-Whew!
-HAWKEYE: Uh, Sergeant Zale.

406
00:16:22,807 --> 00:16:26,811
"Many of the settlers who
came to California in 1848

407
00:16:26,855 --> 00:16:29,684
"were searching
for what?"

408
00:16:29,727 --> 00:16:31,251
Palm trees.
How the hell do I know?

409
00:16:31,294 --> 00:16:32,817
I'm from Brooklyn.

410
00:16:32,861 --> 00:16:34,297
Igor.

411
00:16:34,341 --> 00:16:36,691
I thought there were
gonna be refreshments here.

412
00:16:36,734 --> 00:16:40,260
Wrong.
And now back to our
acrobat, Klinger.

413
00:16:40,303 --> 00:16:42,218
I lost track, sir.

414
00:16:42,262 --> 00:16:43,872
Do I have to answer
that one, sir?

415
00:16:43,915 --> 00:16:45,656
If you can.

416
00:16:45,700 --> 00:16:48,137
Uh, what number question
is that, sir?

417
00:16:48,181 --> 00:16:49,660
I dunno.
I'm mixing 'em up.

418
00:16:49,704 --> 00:16:51,010
You can't do that, sir.

419
00:16:51,053 --> 00:16:52,576
I learned history
from the beginning.

420
00:16:54,100 --> 00:16:56,058
Next question.

421
00:16:59,235 --> 00:17:02,108
-Margaret?
-Right here.

422
00:17:02,151 --> 00:17:04,110
Oh, you're the only one
who really cares.

423
00:17:04,153 --> 00:17:08,070
-Yes.
-Just you and my wife.

424
00:17:08,114 --> 00:17:10,203
Don't press me, Frank.

425
00:17:11,682 --> 00:17:13,467
I want you two
to be friends.

426
00:17:13,510 --> 00:17:15,164
After I'm gone,
you can both work

427
00:17:15,208 --> 00:17:17,340
on the Frank Burns
Memorial together.

428
00:17:18,950 --> 00:17:22,128
Don't talk that way.
You're not going anywhere.

429
00:17:22,171 --> 00:17:25,000
-I'm not going to die?
-You're not going to die.

430
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:27,916
Oh.

431
00:17:27,959 --> 00:17:29,700
Frank, have you
made out a will?

432
00:17:29,744 --> 00:17:33,182
Will? Why do I need a will
if I'm not going to die?

433
00:17:33,226 --> 00:17:36,098
Everybody has to die
sometime, Frank.

434
00:17:36,142 --> 00:17:39,145
Well, you'd think they'd
give officers a break.

435
00:17:39,188 --> 00:17:41,495
You ought to dictate
a will to Father Mulcahy.

436
00:17:41,538 --> 00:17:43,366
Not that you're
not all right.

437
00:17:43,410 --> 00:17:45,238
But just in case
something happens,

438
00:17:45,281 --> 00:17:48,632
and you don't get
to stay all right...

439
00:17:48,676 --> 00:17:51,461
for much longer.

440
00:17:51,505 --> 00:17:53,768
Margaret...

441
00:17:53,811 --> 00:17:57,076
if I should go
before you,

442
00:17:57,119 --> 00:17:59,426
look for me
when you get there.

443
00:17:59,469 --> 00:18:02,472
I'll be waiting for you
on the other side.

444
00:18:02,516 --> 00:18:04,344
Frank.

445
00:18:04,387 --> 00:18:05,649
Oh, darling.

446
00:18:05,693 --> 00:18:08,652
But if I'm standing
with my wife,

447
00:18:08,696 --> 00:18:09,827
pretend you don't know me.

448
00:18:13,222 --> 00:18:15,050
Nathan Hale, sir.

449
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:17,444
"I regret that
I have but one life to
give to my country."

450
00:18:17,487 --> 00:18:18,967
Correct.

451
00:18:19,010 --> 00:18:21,143
And obviously the man never
worked on a draft board.

452
00:18:21,187 --> 00:18:22,449
Another point
for Radar.

453
00:18:22,492 --> 00:18:24,146
He's coming up
on the outside.

454
00:18:24,190 --> 00:18:25,278
Hey, when you gonna
get to some capitals?

455
00:18:25,321 --> 00:18:26,322
I know all the
state capitals.

456
00:18:26,366 --> 00:18:27,628
I'll show ya.

457
00:18:27,671 --> 00:18:29,499
Ask me the capital
of Cleveland.

458
00:18:29,543 --> 00:18:33,808
-[laughing]
-Klinger. "What famous
Civil War hero said,

459
00:18:33,851 --> 00:18:36,593
'Damn the torpedoes.
Full steam ahead?'"

460
00:18:36,637 --> 00:18:38,726
And please try to
answer with, uh, less

461
00:18:38,769 --> 00:18:41,032
than the seven basic
ballet movements.

462
00:18:41,076 --> 00:18:43,774
I'm thinking.
I'm thinking.

463
00:18:43,818 --> 00:18:44,775
Tugarraf.

464
00:18:44,819 --> 00:18:47,126
-[laughing]
-Tugarraf?

465
00:18:47,169 --> 00:18:48,518
That's Farragut.
He said it backwards.

466
00:18:48,562 --> 00:18:51,434
Aha!
True or false:

467
00:18:51,478 --> 00:18:53,654
you can reach the high notes
of "The Star-Spangled Banner"

468
00:18:53,697 --> 00:18:55,090
by standing
on your toes.

469
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:56,831
That ain't part
of the test.

470
00:18:56,874 --> 00:18:58,659
Yes, but how did
you know?

471
00:18:58,702 --> 00:19:00,356
He's cheating!

472
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:02,184
-He's got the answers
written all over him!
-I am not.

473
00:19:02,228 --> 00:19:03,664
Those are tattoos.
Leave me alone.

474
00:19:03,707 --> 00:19:05,535
No wonder he knows history
like the back of his hand.

475
00:19:05,579 --> 00:19:07,189
Let me say
my capitals.

476
00:19:07,233 --> 00:19:09,757
-Dover, Delaware.
-[indistinct arguing]

477
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:10,888
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania.

478
00:19:10,932 --> 00:19:12,934
Uh, New York, New York!

479
00:19:16,416 --> 00:19:18,461
Major Burns has decided
to make out his will.

480
00:19:18,505 --> 00:19:20,507
Will you listen, Father?

481
00:19:20,550 --> 00:19:23,684
Gracious, I didn't
even know he was dying.

482
00:19:23,727 --> 00:19:25,555
Oh, he isn't, no.

483
00:19:25,599 --> 00:19:27,601
It's just a
precautionary measure.

484
00:19:27,644 --> 00:19:30,865
Oh. But he does
have the fever.

485
00:19:30,908 --> 00:19:33,259
And a person is supposed
to be of sound mind.

486
00:19:33,302 --> 00:19:35,086
Oh, it's okay, Father.

487
00:19:35,130 --> 00:19:38,133
I don't think my mind was
any sounder when I was well.

488
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:41,092
Call if you need
anything, Major.

489
00:19:45,793 --> 00:19:49,188
Uh, are you sure you
feel up to this, Frank?

490
00:19:49,231 --> 00:19:51,015
The only thing I really
feel up to is dying.

491
00:19:52,974 --> 00:19:54,497
I see.

492
00:19:54,541 --> 00:19:56,325
Well, uh,
if you're ready...

493
00:19:58,371 --> 00:20:00,024
My car, my house,

494
00:20:00,068 --> 00:20:03,245
all the money I buried
in my backyard

495
00:20:03,289 --> 00:20:06,814
goes to the only woman
who ever really cared,

496
00:20:06,857 --> 00:20:09,599
ever really understood,

497
00:20:09,643 --> 00:20:11,732
my wife, Louise.

498
00:20:11,775 --> 00:20:13,821
She'll have to
thaw out the map.

499
00:20:13,864 --> 00:20:17,259
It's inside some
ground chuck in the
basement freezer.

500
00:20:17,303 --> 00:20:19,609
And my savings account
passbook number

501
00:20:19,653 --> 00:20:22,482
is in the same bottle
as my appendix.

502
00:20:22,525 --> 00:20:24,484
Appendix, hmm.

503
00:20:24,527 --> 00:20:26,007
A-Anything else?

504
00:20:26,050 --> 00:20:27,661
To my children,

505
00:20:27,704 --> 00:20:31,186
all profits from my
prescription kickbacks.

506
00:20:32,753 --> 00:20:36,104
These are recorded
in my red ledger.

507
00:20:36,147 --> 00:20:37,888
Not the blue one that
I show to the government.

508
00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:42,023
And finally...

509
00:20:42,066 --> 00:20:46,332
to Major Margaret
Houlihan...

510
00:20:46,375 --> 00:20:49,900
my friend, my comrade...

511
00:20:49,944 --> 00:20:52,425
my little soldier...

512
00:20:54,731 --> 00:20:56,080
I leave all my clothes.

513
00:21:03,697 --> 00:21:06,177
POTTER:
I'm very proud
of you, Radar.

514
00:21:06,221 --> 00:21:07,875
Me too, sir.

515
00:21:07,918 --> 00:21:10,399
And I want you
to have the best six
days of your life.

516
00:21:10,443 --> 00:21:11,922
I'm ready for 'em, sir.

517
00:21:11,966 --> 00:21:13,968
-Got plenty of cash?
-Oh, yes, sir.

518
00:21:14,011 --> 00:21:15,317
Clean clothes,
toothbrush?

519
00:21:15,361 --> 00:21:16,927
Oh, I'll buy
a new one in Tokyo.

520
00:21:16,971 --> 00:21:18,233
I broke mine last month.

521
00:21:18,277 --> 00:21:19,278
Well, they have
'em there.

522
00:21:21,584 --> 00:21:23,238
Are you sure, Frank?

523
00:21:23,282 --> 00:21:25,545
-I haven't been
in six days.
-I know.

524
00:21:25,588 --> 00:21:26,937
I feel like my
cork's going to pop.

525
00:21:28,548 --> 00:21:29,853
Wish me luck.

526
00:21:29,897 --> 00:21:31,246
Frank, it's only
the latrine.

527
00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:32,421
You're not a test
pilot going up.

528
00:21:35,163 --> 00:21:37,252
I'll be right outside
if you need me.

529
00:21:39,820 --> 00:21:41,604
His first trip?

530
00:21:41,648 --> 00:21:43,824
His temperature was back
to normal this morning.

531
00:21:43,867 --> 00:21:45,434
He owes his life
to you two.

532
00:21:45,478 --> 00:21:46,435
I don't know if we
can live with that.

533
00:21:48,437 --> 00:21:49,699
First time in
a big town, Radar?

534
00:21:49,743 --> 00:21:51,092
Yes, sir.

535
00:21:51,135 --> 00:21:53,050
Lots of girls there just
waiting for soldiers.

536
00:21:53,094 --> 00:21:54,748
[laughing]

537
00:21:54,791 --> 00:21:57,011
A young man should know
how to protect himself.

538
00:21:57,054 --> 00:22:00,057
Oh, I'll be okay, sir.
I studied karate.

539
00:22:00,101 --> 00:22:01,624
[shouts kiai]

540
00:22:02,930 --> 00:22:04,453
Well,
have a good time.

541
00:22:04,497 --> 00:22:05,759
Thank you very much,
sir.

542
00:22:22,384 --> 00:22:24,168
Hey, Frank, how's
it goin' in there?

543
00:22:26,867 --> 00:22:28,564
Well, I think that's
about as clever

544
00:22:28,608 --> 00:22:30,392
as anything I've
ever heard him say.

545
00:22:30,436 --> 00:22:32,176
-Frank?
-Speak up, Frank,

546
00:22:32,220 --> 00:22:34,004
or we'll nail that shut
and send you home in it.

547
00:22:34,048 --> 00:22:36,006
FRANK:
Can't a person have
a little private?

548
00:22:38,487 --> 00:22:39,836
I think he's broken
the four-minute private.

549
00:22:42,012 --> 00:22:43,536
-Terrific, Frank.
-Congratulations.

550
00:22:43,579 --> 00:22:45,102
How do you feel?

551
00:22:45,146 --> 00:22:47,453
Hey!

552
00:22:49,759 --> 00:22:51,413
How about a salute
here, soldier?

553
00:22:51,457 --> 00:22:52,632
I'm still a major,
even though you can't see

554
00:22:52,675 --> 00:22:53,807
my clusters
in this robe.

555
00:22:53,850 --> 00:22:55,286
And put out
that cigarette,

556
00:22:55,330 --> 00:22:57,593
field strip it and
police the entire area!

557
00:22:57,637 --> 00:22:59,116
-He's better.
-I feel great.

558
00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:01,815
-Are you sure?
-First-rate, tip-top.

559
00:23:01,858 --> 00:23:03,599
Then would you step
this way, please, Major?

560
00:23:03,643 --> 00:23:05,122
Oh.

561
00:23:06,515 --> 00:23:08,909
Well, Margaret,
what is it?

562
00:23:08,952 --> 00:23:10,606
The next time you give
your clothes away,

563
00:23:10,650 --> 00:23:12,608
give 'em to somebody
your own size!

564
00:23:22,966 --> 00:23:24,403
Frank, what happened?

565
00:23:24,446 --> 00:23:26,361
She hit me!
Right on the chin.

566
00:23:26,405 --> 00:23:28,145
How'd she find it?

567
00:23:28,189 --> 00:23:30,017
-Why'd she hit you?
-I don't know.

568
00:23:30,060 --> 00:23:31,540
Come on home, Frank.

569
00:23:31,584 --> 00:23:33,150
Yeah, with people
who really love you.

570
00:23:33,194 --> 00:23:34,761
I almost died, you know.

571
00:23:34,804 --> 00:23:36,066
Well, we did our best,
Frank.

572
00:23:42,899 --> 00:23:44,640
[chuckling]
Major Burns seems
back in shape.

573
00:23:44,684 --> 00:23:47,817
Here's an anonymous letter
snitching on three nurses.

574
00:23:47,861 --> 00:23:50,341
-That's our fault.
-We recreated a monster.

575
00:23:50,385 --> 00:23:52,039
-Yep.
-MAN: Colonel Potter?

576
00:23:52,082 --> 00:23:53,083
That's right.

577
00:23:53,127 --> 00:23:54,694
Got a package
for you, sir.

578
00:23:59,046 --> 00:24:00,482
Oh, hi.

579
00:24:08,621 --> 00:24:10,449
-The charges.
-Charges?

580
00:24:12,668 --> 00:24:14,801
Drunk and disorderly?

581
00:24:14,844 --> 00:24:17,107
Radar, you've never been
drunk before.

582
00:24:17,151 --> 00:24:20,241
It sort of made me
disorderly, sir.

583
00:24:20,284 --> 00:24:22,852
You tried to drink the ink
at a tattoo parlor?

584
00:24:24,201 --> 00:24:25,594
Swam 50 laps

585
00:24:25,638 --> 00:24:27,944
in an eight foot
bath house tub?

586
00:24:29,555 --> 00:24:31,295
I'll look after this.
Thank you.

587
00:24:31,339 --> 00:24:33,036
Yes, colonel.

588
00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:36,344
Take care, Leonard.
Give my best to your wife.

589
00:24:36,387 --> 00:24:39,826
-Radar. Radar.
-[laughing]

590
00:24:39,869 --> 00:24:41,523
Our Soldier
of the Month.

591
00:24:41,567 --> 00:24:43,917
How can we ever stay in
the contest?

592
00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:46,572
You're right.
I'd be tough to follow.

593
00:24:46,615 --> 00:24:48,399
[laughing]

594
00:24:48,443 --> 00:24:50,314
Whoo.

595
00:24:50,358 --> 00:24:51,794
Hey, Sherm,
do you know where

596
00:24:51,838 --> 00:24:54,928
a guy could get
a drink around here?

597
00:24:54,971 --> 00:24:56,843
[laughing]

598
00:24:56,886 --> 00:24:58,627
Seems I can't even wink.

599
00:24:58,671 --> 00:25:00,586
[laughing]

600
00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:07,767
♪♪ [theme]